I know it is just like pulling out the dead out of the graves but it seems that i cannot help feeling for him for a day now. part of me tells me not to fall back so easily but it seems so vague. it all began with that one stupid question and today's comment on how we go ideally together. i know we might but there's so much more to it. we're just not destined. Besides my ideal was T. but now even he seems just not be too perfect. what is happening to me, i do not know. am i becoming just a tad bit too cold for this world? i never used to be like this. never. what is happening then. 

Entry #07 Who you are

Why is it that when God has given you every ruddy thing, you still feel something's missing? You have every darn success that you could ever think of, yet you remain unhappy not because you wanted more or less but something dark fills inside you, something so black that even you cannot penetrate through it to see what it exactly is. That's when you begin to question the sole reason of your existence. It was exactly what you wanted, the fame, the name, the response.. However when God gives you something,  He snatches away something too. Just too keep the balance probably, or to make it all just and fair. His justice, we would never understand. Why is that when you think of the 3-year-old you, you question yourself 'would i have been proud of what i am today? was it this that i wanted to become?' and the heart clunches back. The answer is obvious. Denial. Then what was lacking? It was the soul the person in you, that was. it was, who you are. 

Entry #06 Those many idiots

Every class has that one idiot, or *insert a word more odious than idiot* who when buys a new touch phone like s to show it off and will keep doing it until you ask him 'hey! you got a new phone! :D' the thing is dude! we saw it and by that i mean we noticed that you got a NEW phone! and if we had liked it we would have had said it (or maybe not if the green eyed monster had come in anyway,) but waiting for the other person to say and only then you're going to stop pretending that your texting is totally shitty of you. What you can simply do is

The awkwardly helpless moment when you realize that man, you are not getting over this dude. Sighs. Period.


I had published this post because i had nothing more to say but now i think otherwise. You know she  commented below her teacher's picture " believe me ma'am ,your smile is a curve that sets everything straight!! nice pic"  like seriously? didn't it get too much? :| and then the teacher replied "beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder" well for me it did. if not too much, it did raise my eyebrow at the least. 


It is VERY obvious when you're soft-soaping someone. No matter how indirectly you cajole him or her, any sane person around you would know it and would be cussing you in his heart. And believer me if you think that you are one smarty pants and the dude won't even know and you'd get your thing done, dude, think again. he knows it, but he likes it. Anyone likes being called something they want to be called but obviously isn't. Just like i say 'Man! you're a genius! (because you're reading my blog)' you'd be happy, no? Period. 

Entry #04 IT'S EID TOMORROW!!

IT'S EID TOMORROW!!! yaaaay! nuff of faking it. it's tomorrow! perhaps the biggest muslim festival there is and one should be happy! at least that's what you're supposed to be, considering what media has to show you and according to the talk of the town.


To be honest, it's not even one bit that way. Eid which is actually supposed to bring you such a level of joy that you will perhaps remember it for the rest of the year, actually brings with it some sort of unwanted, unreasoned gloom. i'm not a sad soul, if you're thinking me as one. it's not only me who thinks this way. i have seen a lot many (considering the number of people i uaually meet) feel the same way.


Why is this? i have no idea. maybe it's becasue...... ummm ... okay i don't know. perhaps it's because all that love, affection etc etc it's just not there. everyone's so damn surrounded by his problems that ... u got it,didn't you?


we have heard all this a hell many times, that now it seems like one of those daily doses your parents give you to study hard; pretty much of a routine. but to a lot of extent all tis is kinda true as well.


pardon me for such a shitty piece (as if i have some traffic). i'm real sick and typing this post from mobile so if it doesn't make sense, which i think it really doesn't or it will leave you like WTH, please excuse me.
this time i'll trt finding out some of my 'unknown to me' relative and go and meet him (a young him would be preffered over a her :P)